How to Influence People and Win Them Over
You will never to be able to control people, but you will be able to let people control themselves in ways that benefit you. If you tell people what to do, they may not listen to you and will probably resent you. You must get people to do what they want to do, while you influence their control over themselves. This report will show you how to do that.
There are two ways to get people to do what you want. The first, behavior modification, allows you to change a person's undesirable behaviors using positive reinforcement. The second method of influencing is reality modification, and we'll concentrate most of our attention on this. This influencing technique is successful because of the way in which your requests are presented. In this report, I will show you how to get anything. The secret to getting what you want is the way you go about getting it.
KNOW WHAT PEOPLE NEED
There are three main goals people subconsciously seek. They are:
1. Symbolic rewards 2. Material gains 3. Security
SYMBOLIC REWARDS: We all have the need for symbolic rewards, such as recognition and praise. Everybody wants to feel important and special. The act of praising and recognizing another is a strong motivator. Always reward good deeds with praise, and give positive, constructive criticism for bad deeds. If you are patient, in time you will see the results of your compliments.
MATERIAL REWARDS: Material rewards mean a lot to people, whether they realize it or not. In any capitalist society, a person's status is judged by his material gains. Therefore, since money produces material gain, it is a strong motivator, and its presence can have a strong influence on others.
SECURITY: Everyone needs security and stability. Security is attained when people feel they belong and are needed by others. People want security in their jobs, friends, family, etc. There are many ways to increase other people's feelings of security:
a) Let people know what you have to offer and what you expect from them in return. Tell them why the relationship you have with them is the way it is.
b) Make people feel that they are needed and belong in the relationship with you. Show a need for their presence.
c) Let others know what their efforts are accomplishing and how they are affecting you. Make them feel important and special to you. Show them that their efforts are appreciated.
d) Make sure that parties in the relationship are compatible
HOW TO WIELD MORE INFLUENCE
Know What You Want: Have a clear idea in your mind about what to achieve, whether it be changing another person's undesirable behaviors or persuading him to accept your point of view. Fix this idea of what you want to achieve firmly in your mind. Know exactly what you want, and clarify any vague objectives you may have. Clarity of personal purpose is the first step to putting your influencing abilities to work.
Understand Expectations: Have a clear understanding of what others expect of you and what you actually expect of yourself. People often set unrealistic expectations for themselves by gathering up all of the good qualities they see in others, and trying to have them all within themselves. No one expects you to be perfect.
Be Persistent: Resolve to do everything better and be persistent until you attain the results you've been trying to achieve. Anything worth doing once is worth doing again and again. Don't let rejection or any other negative experience stop you. Learn from mistakes, better yourself, and keep on going.
You Must Give in Order to Receive: The old cliche, "there' no such thing as free lunch," is fact of life. If you want to receive something, learn to pay for it. Some things may have higher prices than others, and some things may have a higher value to you than others. Examine your options carefully and match what you can give with what you want to receive.
Pay Attention To People: People will help you get where you want to go. It will never be easy for you to make it alone. People can teach you and help you become more influential with others. Listen to other people and learn from them.
Expect A Lot: When you expect a lot, you can get a lot. Your expectations of others and yourself will become reality. Whatever you expect to happen will happen. If you push yourself hard, you will start to see results.
Build A Positive Atmosphere: When you create a "win, win, win" situation, you will start to win. When you start to think positively, your life will start to be positive.
Promise A Lot, Deliver More: Promise people a lot, and then give them more. This is the way the highest achievers have made it. Tell people what you will do for them, and then do more.
Give People What They Want: If you want things from others, you must first give. Don't expect others to make the first move - you have to. If you want to get ahead in life and be successful, you must make the first move. Everybody has certain goals and objectives they wish to achieve. If you can help them reach their goals and objectives, they will want to return the favor. Give people what they want and you will always be ahead.
HOW LISTENING HELPS YOU CONTROL OTHERS
Listening is one of the most important necessities of human communication. If you don't listen to people, you are missing out on one of the best ways to influence people. People will always listen to you when you listen to them. One of the greatest influencing tools is listening. When you listen to what's on a person's mind, you will find that communication barriers are broken. Even if you think you know what they are going to say, listen to them. If you are a bad listener, people will think that you are not interested in them. People will like you if listen to them. How do you feel about people who listen to what you have to say? Isn't your admiration for them high? Others will feel the same way about you.
Eliminate All Distractions: Distractions inhibit good talkers and listeners. It is important that you remove all distractions when listening to another person. You want to create a very warm and comfortable atmosphere for the talker.
What Questioning Will Do: Questions we ask people arouse their thinking processes. When you arouse people's think processes, you give them the chance to express their own ideas and feelings. The only way you will find out what you want to know about another is by asking questions. If you are able to help people think on their own they will respect you and like you. You have been able to do something for them that they were not able to do for themselves. By listening to others, you also fulfill their need to feel important. Through your concern, they feel special.
Keep The Conversation Open: In order to listen, you must keep the conversation open. Some people won't tell you everything on their minds, so you may have to question them to keep the conversation going. All of your questions should relate to who, what, why, where, when and how.
What Questions Do You Ask?: The questions you ask must have a specific purpose. If they don't, you will lose credibility. You must ask questions the person understands. Don't confuse other people by asking complicated questions, such as questions with many parts. Ask them one part of a question at a time. Try to get others to tell you "why." "Why" is one of the best questions to ask people. The reason for asking people questions is to get definite answers. Your questions should prompt definite answers, and they should discourage others from guessing at the answers. The therapeutic value of questioning is lost when people guess at answers.
How To Resolve An Argument By Listening: I have solved many arguments just by listening. It may be hard to believe, but it really works. It works when someone is trying to get his point across to you, and when he is yelling and telling you how right he is. Even if the argument is meaningless, here is how to deal with the situation so that you come out on top.
The first thing you should do is listen to what the person has to say without once interrupting. This is where your listening skill will come in handy. You should say "yes" or "I understand" occasionally to show the other person that you are really listening. It is important that you agree with the other person's point of view. If you don't think the other person is right, you must at least let the other person know that you understand his point of view. When the other person is finished saying what he had to say, ask him, "what can I do for you?' This statement throws many people off because they don't expect it. You will find, after using this technique, that most people give in to your point of view. The reason for this is that all people really want is for someone to listen to them.
HOW TO GET ACTION BY TALKING
It is very important to listen to what other people have to say. Its is also important for others to listen to what you have to say. This chapter will teach you how to create the most impact from what you say.
Get The Other Person's Attention: The first thing you must do when trying to make a point is to get the other person's attention. Make sure the other person is listening to you before you begin talking. If the other person is not listening to you, then you are wasting your time trying to get through to him.
Make Your Message Understood: Make sure your message can be fully understood by the others person. Don't use language or terms the other person will not understand.
Fill Your Message With Benefits: People want to hear what you will do for them, not what you want from them. Fill your message with benefits. The following two sentences show how this concept works. "I can show you how to be a better person if you listen to me" is much more appealing than. "Listen to me because I am smarter than you."
Begin Discussions With Agreements: When you begin a conversation, open with something about which you have a mutual understanding and on which both of you can agree. Here is an example of this concept: IF you want someone to turn the lights off when not in use, you should not say, "keep the lights off, you *@$!!"; instead, you should say "We both want to conserve energy, don't we? So could you please turn off the lights when you leave the room?"
Give Reasons For Your Requests: Don't tell someone to do something just because you want him to, or because it is a policy or rule. Give him a reason to listen to you. If you ask someone to follow a policy or rule, tell him why you expect him to follow it. Don't just tell someone to do something - give him a benefit-oriented reason for doing it.
HOW TO PERSUADE PEOPLE THROUGH PERSISTENCE
If you are persistent, you will eventually get what you want. The reason for this is that it easier for people to give in to you than to continue resisting you. If you keep asking for something, within reason, you will get what you want. Children are experts at this. The following are steps you must take to use persistence effectively:
Use A Direct Statement: In a direct statement, calmly tell the other person what you want. Here are some examples: "I want to..."; "tell me..."; "show me..."
Repeat Your Request: Repeat your request over and over to the person until you get what you want or a reasonable compromise. Don't let the other person distract you with excuses or accusations. Keep repeating your request no matter what the other person says.
Don't Lose Your Temper: You must be calm and collected at all times during your request. No matter what the other person says or does, always be calm and pleasant.
Get The Other Person To Make a Commitment: The other person may give you a vague answer to meet your demand, such as, "We'll see," "soon," "Maybe," etc. If you get a vague answer, push for a commitment to an exact date.
Fulfilling The Commitment: Make sure the person who has made a commitment to you does what he agreed. If he isn't living up to his agreement, be persistent and refer him back to the terms of his commitment. Refer back to them as many times as it takes to make him follow through with what he agreed to do for you.
HOW TO MEET PEOPLE AND MAKE FRIENDS
People enjoy the company of others, and everyone wants to meet people with whom they can have close and lasting friendships. Here are some steps to follow if you want to become more successful at meeting and making friends:
Introduce Yourself: Let your prospect know who he is dealing with. Visualize him as a friendly, considerate and kind person. Give him information that will make him receptive to you. Make the information benefit-oriented for him. Try phrases like, "I really like that dress on you, it brings out your blue eyes," or, "I overheard what you were saying, and I was really fascinated by how much you know about..."
Ask Leading Questions: Ask the person you are talking to a leading question. A leading question is one that provokes more of a response than a mere "yes or "no" Here are some examples: "Do you attend a lot of these charity balls?"; "How do you know the host?"; "Do you work downtown, too? What do you do?" The other person's responses to these leading questions will let you know if he is interested in you or not. If you try to sell yourself to the person immediately, you will get resistance. If you push too hard or don't ask your leading questions with true interest and sincerity, you will get negative answers, and the conversation may quickly come to an end. Try to make the person feel that you want his consent to expand on an idea that may be of interest to him. What you actually want is his consent to get to know him better. If the other person shows interest in you and begins to communicate with you, feel free to go a step further.
Open Yourself Up: Once the person opens up to you, you can begin to open yourself up to him. You have his attention, and he is interested in you. Once you feel comfortable in his presence, tell him your strongest attributes are, the ones that will appeal to him most. If you get a positive response, you have successfully sold yourself to him. At this point, you can feel free to further develop your new friendship. If the person is unresponsive, it may be that you sound pompous and boastful to him. In this case, you should lower your volume a bit and sound as humble and sincere as possible.
Winning The Battle: The final part is the easiest part of your whole selling approach. At this point, give the other person a choice. Don't give him a choice of whether to take you on or not, give him a choice of how to take you on. "Do you have a pen, or would you like to use mine to write down your phone number?" Instead of saying, "Do you want to go out with me?" say, "Would you rather go to a movie or out dancing?" After you have gotten the other person to make some kind of commitment, summarize the proposition and reward the other person for accepting. An example of that is: "Thanks for giving me your phone number. I'm really looking forward to Saturday night."
CONCLUSION
Getting along better with others is a matter of choice. Follow the principles outlined in this report and you will become a more influential person. Not only will people be happy with you, but you will be happy with yourself. Your choice to become a new person will be one of the best you'll ever make.
How to Persuade Anyone to Do Anything
By Michael Lee
The mind is an infinite wonder. It has the fantastic ability to transmute your desires into their physical counterparts.
You can do anything that your mind can conceive, as long as you have the belief and will power to back it up. So how can you use your mind to achieve your dreams?
One of the most effective ways is to use the "as if" principle. Act as if you are the person you want to be. Act as if you are already in possession of whatever you long to have.
So what do you want to be? You want to be a lawyer, doctor, athlete, or newscaster? Think, act, and feel like one. You'll be much closer to your goal if you're constantly intact with your objective. Be obsessed with your dream. It doesn't mean that if you want to be Superman you'll fly out the window. Not a good idea!
It's not enough that you act like one, but you have to actually ACT. Do what needs to be done. You might get so lost in your fantasy dream world that you've forgotten to take some action. Let your visions encourage and motivate you to actualize your purpose.
The problem with the people of the modern world is that they are too preoccupied with worries, anxieties, and negative emotions. As a result, they are adversely affecting their state of health. White lies have become prevalent nowadays in order to ease the burdens or to persuade others to do things that they thought are unattainable.
There was once a weightlifter who couldn't lift weights in excess of 300 lbs. So his coach devised a clever idea and told him that the barbell he has to carry weighs only 300 lbs. With all his might, the weightlifter managed to put it above his head. After he puts it down, the coach told him that he has just lifted 350 lbs. of weight! It's all in the mind!
A famous person once said, "Whenever you think you can or you
can't, you're right." If you think you are poor, then you are; unless you properly condition your thoughts to the positive mindset. I know it's hard to think rich if your environment is not conducive to such way of thinking. Use your imagination then! Visualize your house to be a mansion, your old car to be a limousine...well you get the picture.
There is absolutely no limit with what the mind can achieve. But you have to combine belief, will power, and action with positive thinking in order to arrive at your intended destination.
You see? The mind is a powerhouse. So what you have to do is mentally focus on your persuasion approach. Be absolutely confident.
Want to borrow your brother John's car? Say to yourself, "I am successfully persuading John to lend me his car." Say it out loud! Say it 10 times, 20 times, 30 times, until you feel the fire and confidence within you exploding like firecrackers on New Year's Eve. Now remember to say it in the present tense. Say "I AM successfully persuading John to lend me his car," and not "I WILL successfully persuade John to lend me his car." You've got to have it now, not in the future! So be relentless and assertive. Then picture yourself saying it to him with utmost assurance. Visualize your brother John smiling and obeying your every will. Envision him as a little boy giving you the keys to his beautiful car. He can't help but follow your every command. And wait. John is saying something. He's saying that you have all the right to use his car. He wants to pay you back for all the kindness you've shown him. You feel so in control of the situation. John can't help but do what you want him to do. It's like you've hypnotized him.
Now go out and just do it! Never show any negative or self-defeating emotion. You don't want to go out there having thoughts like: "I'm not sure if I can ever persuade him" or "What if I won't be able to do it?"
Many people can see right through you. They can sense your fear and anxiety. Be absolutely calm and relaxed. It would be better if you do the relaxation exercise below before persuading anyone. You may pass-up this exercise if you are time-constrained or if your persuasion exploits are minor.
1) Get a comfortable & quiet place to rest.
2) Relax your whole body. Command every part of your body to relax starting from your feet up to your head.
3) Count back slowly from 20 to 1, where in each count you relax deeper & deeper. Upon reaching 1, you are completely relaxed.
4) Now affirm your intentions. If you want to persuade John, say," I AM successfully persuading John to...." As you're saying that, picture yourself doing what you're saying in vivid and true-to-life details.
5) Then after about 10 to 20 minutes of continuous confirmation & visualization, count slowly from 1 to 20. Upon counting, slowly be aware of your surroundings. Feel refreshed & invigorated after doing this exercise.
6) Repeat this exercise every time you want to persuade anyone.
The same principles apply even if the person you're going to persuade is far away. Let's say you're a salesman who's going to write XYZ client an email regarding your product. Say out loud, "I AM expertly persuading XYZ to buy my product. XYZ is buying my product because it is the best he's ever seen. XYZ is so happy using my product." Say it many times with all firmness and assurance. Then envision him buying and enjoying your product. Imagine him thanking you over and over because he has gotten more than his money's worth. Visualize him treating you as a very good friend because you gave him the very best he could ever lay his hands on. Then write your email. Pour all your emotions into that letter. Not ordinary emotions, but genuinely pure and caring emotions that come from the heart. Write things that would make him happy and willing to do business with you. Even if he's many distance away from you, he will feel the aura of your presence. Your letter will be so powerful that he will comply with your demands.
Remember to always adopt this mindset before you go out there persuading or doing anything you have in mind.
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